Appendix – Writer’s Commentary

Thoughts, commentary, context and more, these are supplements to my writings that would otherwise clutter or detract from the post for whatever reason. It’s like the “Director’s Cut”.

Tips for reading my blog:

  • Post titles can be vague or misleading. Because I’m not straightforward, and because you’d be surprised how we judge a book by its cover – all of us.
  • It’s best to read in a slow, verbal pace to get the tone to help frame the writing style.
  • I often tinge my prose with poetry-like timing or rhyming, but it’s inconsistent – so as not to force it into a pattern when it’s not working (sorry if that’s annoying).
  • Like the German language relegating the subject to the end of the sentence, I do tend to punish my thesis and send it to the back of the line – it’s mostly my style, but often that is rooted in helping you see new angles before making decisions about what you think or feel in relation to my point. Basically, it’s to avoid pre-conceived notions and jumping to conclusions, as well the defenses or objections that come up in our minds.

Sang Froid

  •  The title is a term used similarly to “with aplomb” and means to handle difficulties while being or appearing calm and composed. In a crisis, I’ve got that down. In my downtime, I have no grace.
  • This post is what I had wanted to convey back when I began writing a previous post that ended up taking a turn and going down its own path.

No She Does Not

Lost in Translation

  • This is named because the phrase is long-standing and relates to the content at hand.
  • It’s also referencing a movie I actually can’t stand, because it’s just chock full of this level of deep meaning without clarification.

Pococurante

  • I do not like the idea of using a thesaurus to drum up important-sounding words or to be impressive in any way. But I use it when I want the right word and the first few that come to mind do not accurately sum it up. I found the right words with a quick search, but the title of this post was among them, and for whatever reason this one-word summation with a fancy sound was too irresistable to pass up, so here it is.
  • This post was written in a late-night bleary-eyed fog yesterday. Edited briefly this morning, it holds up well in my eyes, but then again, I haven’t had much sleep, as aformentioned.

Movin’ On Up

  • Dedicated to someone special, I ripped off the last line from a conversation we had and I pretty much took it wholesale. The post is my experience, but that last line is just so good!
  • To me, this whole concept is the basis for how most people see their purpose in life, and their place in society. Regarding political views, it’s indicative that Conservatives would prefer competition while Liberals would prefer collaboration.

Fat Girls Don’t Get to Escape Sexism Either

  • I can’t believe I actually minimized this post, this set of experiences. I can’t believe I actually said to my dearest best friend “this is just my late contribution to #notallmen…” as if that didn’t mean anything. I can’t believe I waited until I had another post to hide this one behind so I could move on from it quickly. I can’t believe I’m the one who feels shame and regret over these things that were done to me by deeply despicable people. I can’t believe I didn’t want to share this lest it dominate or define me, as if it wasn’t possible for me to continue being a human, as if posting this somehow made me a 2 dimensional victim in some horror flick who will die a gruesome death too quick. I can’t believe after all this hurt it could be that I still don’t practice what I preach and that means I haven’t let it all go like I thought I might, because it doesn’t matter what we espouse, some pain goes too deep for that. I have been catcalled, but never asked on a date, never had a drink bought for me, never had anyone fight over me. We can tell ourselves we’re good inside but if all we’re told is that it’s “despite” then we’re never going to be whole in this world, and just walk around with swiss cheese souls wishing we could make it alright.

Double edged sword walking in a kaleidoscope world

  • I think this post published early, when I had meant to save the draft for further refinement. I pulled it because I hadn’t wrapped up the ending, and re-wrote it, but kept getting interrupted. I may re-work it if I feel like it isn’t strong enough.
  • This post has elements from the big post that’s an elephant in my writing room. The post “C fever” is all about that big post I’m referring to. I still haven’t written that one and it may just be cannabalized for parts like it lended to this one.
  • The concept of “walking in two worlds” is important to this post and its theme.

Two Letter Two-Step

  • “Two-Step” is used as a name for a dance performed by Native Americans in Pow Wows as well as a dance performed to Western music. The duality and dichotomy in this usage of the same name moves me – it speaks to the nature of the social dynamic of these groups living so near each other while maintaining their own identities and working through historical trauma’s effects in today’s society.
  • I hope that this kind of similarity can help people see each other as true equals.

The strength of water…

  • I wrote this months ago and liked it as it was. I didn’t publish it for fear it seemed unfinished or made me look bad.
  • The title and content speak to the cyclical and diametrical nature of conflict and resolution via the Tao and its seemingly paradoxical metaphors, one of which is water.

Choose Helping Others/Let’s Change the World Together

  • I changed the name for a little more relevance between the content and the title.

Save Each Other/We Can Do It Together

  • I changed the name for a little more relevance between the content and the title.

Love the One You’re With and Chopped Liver

  • The last time I felt this sentiment, how pissed I was at everyone, I didn’t want to come off that way so I turned it into an existential poem. “Love the one you’re with” is how I’d like to see things, “Chopped liver” is how I often feel though.

Afraid to be Feminine and Silence is Not Unkindness

  • These two posts came out at the same time, and they were both based on real-life events I experienced, in startling proximity to each other. The juxtaposition of a person I know in my life calling me afraid to be feminine, with a stranger expecting that my femininity should necessitate my emotional availability was striking.
  • I ended up choosing not to engage either of these people on these issues despite the ability to manufacture a moment in which to confront them. I turned to the outlet of this blog instead, and it’s a rare few times I’ve done that.
  • The other thing I found worth note is both people (to my understanding) have Hispanic or Latino cultural heritage, and neither of them realized that they were reinforcing gender norms and stereotypes, and had felt threatened because I don’t observe what they consider to be normal behavior.

Didn’t Mean Anything By It

  • This one and its predecessor may come on a little strong, I’m known for that.
  • A friend told me this was me going too far with analyzing people’s intentions or motives, but my intent was to show that people don’t intend to make these double meanings and that they are unaware of the implicit bias in the wording.

I’m not brave and strong

  • I took some criticism of this post pretty hard and it was a good lesson in recognizing the benefits of criticism.

Gratitude Beyond Measure

  • My first poem on this blog, and a real favorite of mine. I strive for genuine action – nothing for the sake of appearances.

I work in back I see no smiles…

  • I can’t abide falsity.

I hate writers and writing

  • I let this feeling keep me from writing for way too long.

Now I understand…

  • My journey ever builds compassion and understanding of others and their experiences.

Vision and Leadership

  • This post was written about someone who was more than ready to share what they want to destroy, with little to no focus on what to build or how to solve, and then I realized how prevalent this is, and how limited it is.

The price has been paid

  • Although I had written a couple posts prior to this one, they were just vestiges of the first stage of this blog, which was in the beginning intended only to be a place to spew negative feelings about relatively trivial problems. I had not used this forum more meaningfully until I wrote “The price has been paid”.
  • This post was originally written for Facebook in response to what I had felt was tone policing by a friend regarding my commentary on race issues.
  • This post was heavily influenced by a post written by Stacey Patton in response to yet another racist murder of a boy that was sensationalized by the media and pop culture.
  • Writing this post helped me to decide to leave Facebook because I had realized how it had changed my relationships with my friends and family, and the world at large. I didn’t like how it had changed my life and wanted to write freely.

Exhausted Goodwill

  • The second post and only other one before what I consider to be the pivotal post in my blogging life. It is a sentiment I have long felt and I have long wished that I could better deduce what other people’s emotional needs are.

It’s Easy to Get Fat When You’re Poor in the US

  • The first post I put up on this blog for public view. It’s a topic I’m very acquainted with by personal experience.
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