i’m no shiva

i wanted to destroy the destroyers, tear their empires to the ground
bringing them to their knees wasn’t nearly far enough down
i couldn’t destroy them as fast as they just kept on spawning
still i fought to destroy all the badness in what’s left of good life,
i tried to kill everything that had ever caused strife

but the hurrier i went the behinder i got, til i turned around to look at what i had wrought
i ground down, tore down and wore down some of the worst, but in my hurry
babies looked more and more like the bathwater, lousy with dirt
and in my frantical hectic fright filled dilemma, i was almost

willing to chuck it all and start over

but if there’s anything that being a part of a child’s life has taught me,
it’s that here lies an inherent series of chances
to be a maker of things and protector of value
that’s obviously beyond measure or explanation

the best things in life are free
only ourselves put frames around what we see

we are what we do, so we can be what we dream

growin’old ain’t for sissies or cowards so much though,
it takes courage just to become our true selves out loud

feeling safe would be great if it felt that stable
but most folks still struggle with that one way or another

i’d rather meet challenges and overcome them, but i no longer
feel the need to meet every one with a bludgeon

because sometimes what’s needed isn’t enough force
but enough wisdom or experience or knowledge to think first

i got a plan on a broader level, and that plan involves being
just what i wanted to preserve, and growing what i know to be good

i never thought i WOULDN’T be a destroyer
it feels kinda weird still, to be honest
like, what i do if it’s not breaking down?
oh yeah, now i have something to look forward to inside

i guess i could wait for my fate to come find me,
but i can’t seem to be patient enough for that honey
so if it wants to chase me down, we’ll see how it goes
in the meantime i’m movin’ on to a world i helped build
because my destiny awaits my steady loving hand to do more good work on what my ancestors began

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Feeling “Better” than Others

No one is “better” than someone else. But what’s odd, is when someone is super caught up on proving that they are better than someone, or anyone really. I still can’t even find what possible benefit there is from thinking you’re better than someone, but those people don’t rest on the laurels of betterness as they supposedly deserve. I mean, if you’re better… you’re better. That should provide a deep and unending feeling of complete satisfaction and relief. I mean, you’ve overcome the challenge of making yourself better than others, and now you are, shouldn’t you get to bask in that glory? Shouldn’t you sit back and say I did it, I’m great, that feels great, and then feel the greatness?

But they don’t. They don’t walk around quietly fulfilled with their betterness, pride in a job well done, feeling accomplished. They should be all set, they should be smiling a little enigmatic smile that other people wonder about… they should be using their betterness to better the lives of even more people, and the world. Heck, their betterness could save everyone! But instead, they insist on and demand that others openly display appreciation of their betterness. Because it’s about getting attention and it’s never enough because it’s really more about trying to get love because they are unable or unwilling to build healthy relationships to get love through building it, and instead they only focus on forcing others into relationships with them out of obligation or coercion. It’s sad and creepy and certainly doesn’t make them better than anyone else, plus, the desperate bid for attention makes it obvious that they are unwilling to engage in authentic human interaction to ease their loneliness and other mental health disorders.

Healthy people don’t need to feel “better” than others. That behavior pattern is based in a social hierarchy which is the foundation for bullying and general social inequity.