Don’t you dare blow smoke up her ass. she’s got enough shit to deal with. don’t you dare make promises you can’t keep. you’re only setting her up for wicked failure and she doesn’t need that in her life.
so if you’re not prepared to help her through her daughter’s first period or teaching her son to drive, don’t you dare say shit while she’s pregnant. if you won’t be there day in and day out to wipe away her tears, make kids lunches or answer their questions about inequity and the nature of the universe before she’s had her morning coffee, then you need to just fuck off already.
don’t tell her you’ll be there for her when what you mean is you’ll be there for yourself when you want something cute to hold and smile at but give back when it starts to smell bad. if you don’t plan on making dinner when she’s deadbeat tired or doing the dishes afterwards, when the kid is 7 or 8, then don’t make empty promises.
pregnant women don’t need your half baked plans or assurances, and they don’t need your pity or your excitement. they need help cleaning up all the trappings of childhood before they can be strewn around again like nothing ever happened.
if you’re not going to do the laundry at least twice a week, every week, until her kids are through with college, then just keep your trap shut; don’t you dare open it up. when people talk about babies keep your ridiculous high pitched noises and that self-serving reframing language to yourself.
let her make the decision that is really in front of her – am I ready to do this when everyone else gets too busy and tired to help anymore?